Nirvana - a concept of being free from pain and suffering from the external world
Some may say that is salvation, an abodement of everlasting bliss.
Nibbāna is a Pali word that means "blowing out" — that is, blowing out the fires of greed, hatred, and delusion
I was walking past a shop in the Royal Mile that was selling countless rock and metal memoribillia and hence I decided to pop in and the first poster I browsed at was one of King Kurt clutching his Fender Strat in an amber background.
I recalled the death of the legendary Godfather of Grunge. A form of music that was so appealing in the 90s with bands like Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam and Nirvana bursting onto the mainstream. 'Jeremy', 'No Excuses', 'Would', 'Yellow Ledbetter', 'Last Kiss', and the countless Nirvana anthems were played on a daily basis on my humble AKAI radio on 90.3 fm (Radio 4 those days). Kurt Cobain was at a tender young age of 27, the same age Jimi Hendrix passed on mind you. A suicide note accompanied his final attempt at suicide. (which kinda meant he succeeded this time).
The note read "I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music, along with really writing . . . for too many years now".
For some, the death came as a shock. To conspiracy theorists, this was the work of Courtney Love. But one cannot help admit there was a developing pattern to how the outcome was reached.
For the armchair critics who would not bother reading up 'Heavier Than Heaven: A Biography of Kurt Cobain', take my word for it, he had a rough childhood, constantly rebelling although shy inside. A divorce at the age of 8, living with a family of Born-Agains till he was 13, and finally accepting Buddhism and Jainism into his life - to attain the state of Nirvana late into his teens.
To the more medically astute, Kurt had Scoliosis and an unexplained chronic stomach pain (which doctors back then could not diagnose, but suspected to be Curling's Ulcers as he claimed to be terribly stressed out most of the time). He also had Chronic Bronchitis - which could've been percipitated by his Scoliosis as well. His encounters with heroin helped in pain management for his Ulcers, so much so that in one instance, he shot up Heroin 3 days in a row and lamented that for once, he was actually free of pain.
Like every rebel, he had championed the rights of the underdogs. In his instance, gays. Growing up in a place called Aberdeen in Washington, Homophobia was rampant and gay-bashing would be a norm. Kurt would come to the aid of gays to the extent of being called a bisexual himself. He'd spray paint signs like ' God is Gay' and others as a form of defiance to the ultras. This protective bravado-ism gave him a sense of superiorty and an exhiliration to constantly fight a cause that was greater than his own. It was this acceptance of Grunge later on in the 90s and the constant media attention on his personal deteriorating relationship with Courtney that finally nailed his coffin, and placed his legacy in the thrones of Valhalla as one of the best musicians to ever roam the planet.
This suicide attempt however was not his first. Courtney explained that he had a few attempts before as well.
Cobain's heroin addiction worsened as the years progressed. Cobain first attempted rehabilitation in early 1992, not long after he and Love discovered they were going to become parents. Immediately after leaving rehab, Nirvana embarked on their Australian tour, with Cobain appearing pale and gaunt while suffering through withdrawals, and his heroin abuse continued soon after.
Prior to a performance in New York in July 1993, Cobain OD'ed on heroin. Rather than calling for an ambulance, Love injected Cobain with Naloxone (that she acquired illegally) to bring him out of his unconscious state. Cobain proceeded to perform with Nirvana, giving the public no indication that anything out of the ordinary had taken place.His attempts at suicide became apparent in 1994 when he OD'ed on champagne and Rohypnol ( a popular date rape drug). For the med students reading this, it is a benzodiazepine, a more potent version of Valium (Diazepam), and it sedates in 10-20 mins after a 1mg pill. Kurt passed out and was rushed to the hospital and spent 5 days there. 2 weeks later he had locked himself in a room with several guns and pills to 'hide from Love'. The authorities did get there in time to confiscate his weapons and pills.
Love later scheduled him for Detox and the medics failed to address his previous issues with depression. He was released and cleared to perform in Seattle. It was at this point he disappeared and was never found until one fatal morning, an electrician found Kurt with a shotgun pointed at his chin and blood clots around his ears. He had died 3 days before that on April 5th 1994. High concentrations of Valium and Heroin were found in his stream. His last song for Nirvana was recorded on January 30th 1994. Some called it Kurt's Song.
The references to suicide are quite chilling if you do read the lyrics, empowered by the short introduction above.
ps : note that Courtney Love plays a big part in this song:)
You know you're right by Cobain
I will never bother you
I will never promise too
I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never say a word again
I will crawl away for good
I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel
Pain!!!
Pain!!!
Pain!!!
You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right
I'm so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Lets talk about someone else
Steaming soup against her mouth
Nothing really bothers her
She just wants to love herself
I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it'd come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel
Pain!!!
Pain!!!
Pain!!!
Pain!!!
Pain!!!
You know you're right (x14)
You know your right (x3)
Pain...
For those who have never ever heard this song, Google it up and it'll be all over youtube. It has the most spinechilling scream ever. The best gut yell ever to accompany a song.
I bid you adieu King Kurt.
