Thursday, June 25, 2009

tabula rasa

The social contract - a theory formulated by John Locke the great philosopher/socialist/enlighteners that shroomed from the era of Immanuel Kant and Jean Jacques Rosseau as well as Voltaire once said Tabula Rasa - meaning a blank slate, to signify the state of one's mind at birth. Clean, clear and capable of much molding.

I went to the bank today to bank in a few cheques and make some payments. I had double parked and left a note with my number on it so anyone who urgently needed me to move could contact me and does not have to honk like a barbarian for 20 minutes. Yes it happens ever so often and the worst type of driver would be the yuppie punkass Lala-fied Ah Beng who will stare at you as though its your fault. Ok lets hit the indians and the malays before the rest of you chinese people catch me for being a racist. Damn Indians will say sorry for no darn reason and malays will smile. Then again most Malays ride their motorbikes to banks or are Mak Ciks/Datins that are too afraid to double park so yeah. Anyway back to the bank, I was approached by a bunch of salesgirls from this company called Oosis. I had some time to spare and I am quite the gentleman:) i dont usually give someone the hand unless I really have no time. I usually push off sales people by saying no thank you:).

So one of them gives me a peel and win coupon promising me prizes so i play along and peel one and it says thank you. she says aiya... and tells me to try again so i did and the 2nd one says i won the grand prize, I become a shareholder in this company. Only 500 people in the country are selected for this she says. Then she calls all her friends and they all come and congratulate me. At this point my COMMON sense is smiling at me, damn this seems like a brilliant scam. So I play along. 4 outcomes for shareholders- 1 Vios + RM1800 monthly deposited into my account+Rm22000 in home appliances, and the 4th prize is a VIVA +RM600 deposited into my account +RM12000 worth of appliances. the rest are somewhere in between and I honestly can't recall as they took away all the evidence at the end. Anyway i was told that Oosis is a company that has does Direct Sales, (sorta like Amway and Cosway), Training for marketing staff, Home appliances -water filters and other health stuff that most Chinese people love, yeah the chinese, fear of drinking regular tap water and they wind up with the highest percentage of colon and eosophageal cancer. Sad as a bitch aint it. All my Chinese friends, learn to take a step back and not be so Kiasu, such go getters in life, it ain't good for your BP:)
So anyway, they stick this big mandarin newspaper article in my face in a valiant attempt to prove its not a scam

right, might as well speak to me in Hakka or something rite. They then showed me another article from Harian Metro. Now Harian Metro is similar to the Malay Mail or Kosmo, a sad version of a tabloid. So any credibility this so called well to do company had has dwindled by this moment. She then tells me there are 2 terms to me becoming the shareholder.
1. You kena ambik gambar masuk newspaper sama kita punya produk - Sounds feasible

2. You kena labur RM6,000 untuk proses.

She then says its not a scam and i should believe her and tells me to go to their office in Old Klang Road. She says there is a Royalty Certificate that guarantees payment for me, and even my grandchildren later on. Now thats marketing man. I know it sounds far fetched she says and she shows me some mathematical breakdown and says the company just needs 500 people to be shareholders and franchise holders so they can further diversify their company.
At this point she thinks she has won over my popping eyes. I forgot to tell her that I'm Indian and my eyes are naturally big and round:)
So yeah, i proceed to tell her that I am studying overseas and i dont have a local bank account. My parents have an account but they're at work and she's willing to follow me to my house to see them. So now i know that if i bring her home, mum's gonna slaughter me for wasting my time. So i tell her my house is in Klang and its far away. But i gave her an alternative solution. I told her I have Rm50 in my wallet. If she can give me RM200, we can set up an account at Public Bank under my name. I will be her proxy and if she pays the RM6,000, she can keep the monthly payment of RM1800 and the home appliances. I'll take the car. And I can sign an oath to not reveal our plan and not do anything to jeopardise her money in the account. She says its not possible and I ask her why not? I'm a law student --yeah cracking it up as usual-- told her of some bogus clause that says that we can open a joint account as friends and her name will not be mentioned in the venture and we can both make a profit off the company. She then says its against her company policy to which i say, no way, the company won't know.

She then realizes that she has just wasted her time and takes her pamplet back asking me to sign a clause stating I'm not interested telling me if I change my mind I can call her but offer ends this week. I promptly agreed. She said its free cash, why don't you want it. I told her cos I have loads already:). Now what she didn't know is that i sneak a pamphlet and boy you know i'm gonna post it up for everyone to browse. also her call card. and btw, i filled in a wrong IC number so i wouldnt be traced. I dont want shit junk mail in my mailbox man.

And to those of you who might think this is genuine, don't hesitate and please call her. she left her namecard with me. If you win some cash, don't forget to buy me a cup of coffee:) thats all I ask.

Also to girls, this is why we don't find Twillight that amusing:)

and this is why Transformers ROTF Freaking ROCKS!!!


Z.R. said...

Haha! sanjeet..sanjeet... shareholder of their company? you should say in a sweet voice - "REALLY?" and make sure when you fill in fake IC number at the end is an odd number.

Mastura said...

hahaha ika!

real scam shit right played the game well she lost words with you.

the law student part-I WISH I WAS THERE!!!with your hocus pocus bogus~would have ruined it for you for laughing my ass off though.

can't deny it.wesley snipes was awesome in blade-Robert pattinson sucked as a vamp.blame it on the book-for him having to be vegan.